I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
