69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
