I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize