I just made out with a guy for $7.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
