Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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