I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize