operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
