I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
