So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
