I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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