Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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