i wish my penis had a tongue
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
