How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
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