Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
