Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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