bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
