i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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