my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you had me at cake vodka
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
