HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize