That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
