Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
