Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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