I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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