I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
