if you like me you must not know who I am
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
