i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
