So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
