I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
