Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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