this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
