I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
