im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
