just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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