Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
