Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
