she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
