Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
we're so committed to being not committed
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
