After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
