bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
