My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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