Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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