its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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