ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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