she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
