if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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