So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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