There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
