I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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