ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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