I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
