my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
