So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
