It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
