Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
