How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
