Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
