the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
this boner is exhausting
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
