I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
