Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
