i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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