Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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