Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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