alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
