just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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